


Tristesse

by XxxAraceliX



Category: Rope (1948)
Genre: 1940s gay, 2 boys, Backstory, Film Noir, Gay, Jimmy Stewart, Love, M/M, Prep School, Young Love, farley granger, film noir gay, finding out your gay, highschool, john dall - Freeform, rope, teenage gays, young gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8293286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxxAraceliX/pseuds/XxxAraceliX





	

1942 

Two more pages.

Phillip lazily flicked the page of his book, and scanned the new page that sat in front of him. Sure, he liked reading, but on this particular stuffy day, he didn’t feel like reading Mr. Elswood’s recommended novel. He attended a pay to get in boys-only private school for his first year in high school. He almost considered going to a public school, though. It was so repetitive, but he guessed every school was like that anyway. Public schools would be much more fun, ad less stuck up rich kids, Phillip thought, but threw out the idea of transferring. He did have much more freedom than public schools here, which was a pro.

One more page.

Phillip stared at the first word on the page. He would finish the book then return it back to the teacher. Then he would just sit for the rest of the school day, which was 20 minutes. Starting a new book right after the last is impossible for him; it just simply would not work.

Done.

Phillip got up and straightened his uniform, and stretched his stiff legs. He walked slowly up the isle of desks and set the finished book on Mr. Elswood’s desk, not bothering to disturb him from his own reading to let him know he finished. As he turned around, he heard shuffling and Mr. Elswood whispering,

“Phillip wait, come here for a second.”

He turned around and leaned on the desk, with a questioning face.

“Would you be a kind sir and deliver these papers to Mr. Cadell? If he isn’t in his room just set it on his desk, I’m sure his door is open,” Mr. Elswood asked. “Of course,” Phillip said giving a small smile while picking up the papers. “Thank you, it seems to be that these ancient bones are rusting,” the old teacher complained.

Phillip walked down the hall, stopping at Mr. Cadell’s classroom. He had this teacher for Philosophy, his second-to-last period. The door was cracked open, but when he peered inside it was empty. He stood by the edge of the desk and carefully moved some stacks of supplies to make room for the papers and set them down. As he turned to leave he fiddled with the pocket of his pants to get his wallet out. There was still about 15 minutes left till the bell rang, and the vending machine was right outside Mr. Cadell’s room.

He twisted around, checking all his pockets after not finding it in his main pant pocket. Did it drop somewhere? Just as he was about to re-trace his steps, he heard a snicker. Phillip froze and looked around the room.

“Hello?” Phillip softly spoke. He saw someone poking out from behind the desk with something on his head. How silly. He squinted and as he looked closer, it was his wallet! Phillip tensed up and stared straight at the student. “How’d you get that?” he muttered. Did he really not notice?

The student set their chin on the edge of the desk and started to speak.

“Ah, you were so oblivious when I snatched this,” he said in a pleased tone, not answering Phillips question directly. Then he murmured under his breath, something Phillip couldn’t hear.

Phillip took note of the fresh cigarette that he settled in the corner of the boy’s mouth that was not yet lighted.

“H-hey!” Phillip stuttered, moving back a little. “Aren’t you going to get caught? You know you can’t smoke in school!” He was genuinely worried for this person. What if one of the teachers caught him? Would he be suspended?

The boy stood up and walked towards little Phillip intimidatingly. Was that the kid from his 5th period, in this room, Mr. Cadell’s? He didn’t know because he had not yet memorized all the students in each of his classes. It was only the 3rd day of school.

The boy held up Phillips wallet between his fingers, and smirked. “Don’t tell,” was all he said, and handed him the wallet. Phillip took it hesitantly and looked through the contents. Everything was there.

He looked back up at the taller boy, and the smirk changed to a frown. He pushed past Phillip and left the room.

Phillip looked at his wallet again. Everything was perfectly in place. Except one thing-

His dorm key.

 

Phillip walked towards his dorm, sighing. He had searched all over the school for the mysterious boy. He was pretty sure he locked his dorm before going to class today, but he was going to try to open the door anyways.

Once he got to his room he turned the doorknob, his eyebrows lifting up when it turned and opened. He locked it, didn’t he? Phillip walked slowly into his small dorm room. He shared it with a student named Kenneth Lawrence, but he was on a trip out of town, he couldn’t possibly be back this early.

His gaze drifted across his tidy space, looking at all the objects. He set his bag on the table and turned around to sit on his bed, but stopped. Phillip involuntary shuddered. He could feel himself sweating. That blasted boy was on his bed, reading a book like he owned it! Has he been stealing other things from his room?

“Oh, Phillip, would you like a sip?” he casually said, taking a drink from the coke bottle in his other hand. Phillip, who was now slightly bristling, started to speak. “What h-have you been doing in here?” he asked nervously.

“You know, just enjoying myself. Quite the nice collection of books you have there, I see you like science fiction.”

“You stole my dorm key. I spent half my free time searching around for you!” Phillip retorted quickly, his voice starting to raise. “Am I really that unpredictable?” the boy asked, more to himself than Phillip.

“You… what is your name, anyways?” Phillip asked.

“Shaw. Brandon Shaw.”

“What were you doing in here, Brandon? Could you please leave?” Phillip said, starting to get concerned. “What for? You only just got here,” Brandon questioned.

All Phillip wanted now was to rest. Whatever Brandon wanted from him, it didn’t matter now. “Anyways, I think you’d better leave. I have lots of homework,” he motioned towards the doorway. Brandon took a look at the door, the book, then at Phillip. “Fine.”

Phillip hadn’t expected for Brandon to give up so easily. He got up, the book still in his hand and slowly started to walk out. He seemed to have no intention of asking Phillip for the book. “Keep the book until you finish it, just don’t forget to return it to me,” Phillip said as he left.

“Of course,” Brandon said without turning around. Phillip could hear the grin in his words, and knew he was up to no good.

***

“Edward, come on up,” Mr. Cadell called out. Phillip was in 5th period, philosophy. There was a research project coming up about the history a famous English author or poet, and whichever team made the best poster got a prize. Not that Phillip cared, he wasn’t much for prizes, just good grades. They were studying about sensory details in old writings that could go together well with their philosophy lessons.

The rules were simple; the students picked a random name from the teacher’s hat and called the name out. You then had to work with that person to create a poster with the best information while being neat and creative.

“William,” Edward chirped out smiling, looking at his friend. Next Bill came up and pulled out a name. He blankly said “George” without looking up and sat back down at his desk.

“Brandon come on up,” Mr. Cadell said, marking the partners down on a list. The tall light brown haired boy got up, and walked to the hat. Phillip watched as he pulled out a card and looked at it. Phillip swore he saw something flash in the boy’s eyes, but his expression was unreadable. Brandon turned around with his other hand in his pocket and rocked back and forth on his heels.

“Phillip,” he called with a smirk.

Phillip felt his blood freeze over and slowly looked at him with weariness in his face. Brandon was still looking down at the paper. He looked like he was lost in thought, Phillip examined. Surely this was not good, Phillip thought. Unexpectedly Brandon looked up and was gazing at him across the room with the oddest half smile and glint in his eyes he had ever seen. Phillip quickly lowered his own as he realized he was staring straight at him, feeling anxious and felt heat rising up to his face.

“Alright, now all of you have 2 weeks to finish. I suggest working together in your dorms because I am going to continue teaching lessons, and you will only have a little time in class each day to work on it,” Mr. Cadell advised. Phillip half listened, he was busy thinking about what to do for the project.

Do the proper work. I’ll just let him sit and twiddle his thumbs, or write the information on the poster. Wait no, don’t let him ruin the poster!

“…and the two partners much do their share of the work. No slacking and letting your partner do it all alone,” Mr. Cadell finished. He noticed little Phillip in the backrow, and raised an eyebrow. “Got that, Mr. Morgan?”

Phillip jumped at his name and swiftly sat up with proper posture. “Yes, sir,” he said, his voice wavering a little. He thought he heard a chuckle from the front and the heat flushed back to his face. Mr. Cadell winked and turned around, writing something on the chalkboard for the next class. “You’ll be dismissed when the bell rings in 2 minutes, for now discuss with your partner what your plan will be,” he said.

Phillip had already slipped into his pool of worries in his head, and when he was harshly shoved back into reality he looked around in confusion. Brandon was tapping him on the shoulder, looking concerned. Once he had his attention he started rambling on about the project.

“Since Mr. Cadell said we can choose who to select for the project, I want to borrow some of the books he said we could and search for s-someone w-w-worthwhile to study about,” he stammered on excitedly. “I want to get good grades and get this done with, so h-how should we work on it?”

Wait, he really is serious about this? Phillip was surprised.

“P-Phillip, d-did you hear me?” he asked, still happily stuttering. Phillip looked at him. “Oh, um… yeah. I guess you could come to my dorm since Kenneth is gone and…” he said, remembering the day before, “you already know where it is.”

“My dorm is right next to yours, on the left by the way. I agree let’s work in yours though, I have the most annoying dorm-mate and I’d much rather work without him in the room,” Brandon said. The bell rang.

“Today after class is done?”

“Sure.”

After class, Phillip escaped to his dorm. He shut the door gently and sighed. He better start on the project and set things up, so it wouldn’t be a mess trying to figure out how to go about this project. Brandon had said he would bring the poster paper and the textbooks Mr. Cadell lent the class, and Phillip would provide pencils and things to write with.

He thought in his mind that if Kenneth were here, it would be chaos. He was sort of glad that Kenneth was away right now, and he wouldn’t deny that it was much nicer having a dorm all to himself.

Just as Phillip got everything ready he heard a series of patterned knocks on the door and got up. Even though he didn’t particularly like Brandon that much he figured he should be nice to him at least. Phillip opened the door and Brandon stood there, holding a large sheet of paper with a textbook beneath his other arm.

Before Phillip could say anything he walked into the room and set his things on the floor, then sat on Kenneth’s bed.

“Start finding information in the book, I’m going to make the border and set up of the poster,” Brandon practically demanded. He sounded happy to be doing this report, and Phillip couldn’t help but feel hopeful about the project as well.

“Sure. Want me to look for the authors we can choose?”

“Yes.” Phillip took the textbook and sat on his own bed and opened to the correct page to find information on. Brandon started organizing all the pens, pencils and everything and stared at the sheet of paper, probably thinking of ideas in his head.

“What do you think about this?” Phillip said, pointing at a specific paragraph in the book. “It says Shakespeare was the number one most known bard in a school in California. Should we study Shakespeare?” Brandon’s eyebrows scrunched together and he tilted his head a little. Then, he got up and sat right next to Phillip and leaned over the textbook.

Phillip didn’t say anything but kept looking at Brandon. He watched the taller boy inch closer until their legs were touching, make a face, and then lean back.

“I don’t much like Shakespeare, I think Poe would be much better to study. Poe has some of my favorite writings, and I’m sure it would make much better poster than Shakespeare,” Brandon said matter-of-fact like. He went back to the opposite bed and started to write something down on a little notepad.

Phillip expected Brandon to not care about the project and only act like he was helping. Now, he was realizing that he actually was smarter than he thought.

CHAPTER-

It had been 2 days since Phillip had started the project. They got a little further on it, but they still needed a few more days till it was finished. Phillip was in 5th period now, listening to another one of Mr. Cadell’s lessons. He was going on about how we should add certain things to our projects, when Edward brought up the project in the middle of a lesson.

As soon as Mr. Cadell turned around with his back to the class Phillip saw something fly and hit his neck, and when he turned around he saw a small ball of paper on his seat. He picked it up and un-crumpled it as quietly as he could, and read the neat writing on it that read, “Meet me at the lobby room, the one with the piano -Brandon”

Phillip wrote on the note, “Why?” and threw the note back. He looked at Brandon as he read it, and Brandon caught his eye and mouthed “Just do it.”

***

Later after class, Phillip started to head to the lobby room. He didn’t bring anything since Brandon took all of the project supplies, and he wasn’t sure if they were going to work on it today. Little Phillip walked down the halls, looking for the room confusedly. Why did Brandon tell him to go here? Oh well, Phillip thought. He had come to the conclusion that Brandon was worth listening to, since he had great ideas. Phillip almost felt guilty of accusing him to be one of those slackers in his head.

Phillip looked up and saw the sign that said “Lobby” above two wide doors, and he opened one cautiously. Inside was a large room with chairs and sofas here and there, and even a piano. There were a lot of kids in there that hung out every day after school, since they all had dorms here.

Phillip was not very fond of crowds, and he shyly made his way through some groups of boys and looked around for Brandon. A tall-ish boy in the corner caught his eye and he looked closer. It looked as if he had even brought his girlfriend to the school, by the way they were flirtatiously chatting. Phillip was starting to love how much freedom everyone had here. He had never been to a school that gave you a dorm, either.

He switched his gaze from the couple to find Brandon, the reason he was here. He probably would have never gone here alone since he would have nobody to talk to anyway and there were to many people, he would never have the courage to practice piano in here.

At last he spotted Brandon sitting on a sofa facing the piano near the farthest corner from the entrance door. Nobody was using the piano, so Phillip sat down on the piano bench and faced Brandon. “Good afternoon,” Brandon said with his grin. Phillip returned the greeting.

“I thought we’d work on our project in a different environment, the dorms are starting to bore me,” Brandon said while picking up the poster, which was sprawled out on the sofa. “I agree,” Phillip smiled.

 

***

After a while of working on the project, Brandon stood up and sat next to where Phillip was, on the piano bench. Phillip looked at him questioningly.

“Enough of this project. You can play piano right?” Brandon asked. “Yes,” Phillip said, confused. “Play something,” Brandon urged, and looked at Phillip in the eyes. He looked almost intimidating, and Phillip stumbled over his mind trying to remember songs from memory.

“O-oh, hm okay…”

Brandon sat closer and watched Phillips fingers dance over the keys as he started to play his favorite piano piece from memory, Chopin-Etude no. 3 in E major, Op. 10 no. 3, "Tristesse.” He started to relax and play perfectly, hitting the right notes at the right time.

People didn’t crowd around the piano, just as Phillip had hoped, but he had caught a glance of a few people looking over at him and Brandon, their expressions unreadable because he was so focused on playing. Fingers connected with keys, and Phillip felt that satisfying sharpness but also gentleness fill him, whenever he played piano.

Brandon watched Phillips hands as he played the song. He was quite into it, and he kept glancing up at the small boy. Finally, he rested his gaze on little Phillip. He noticed his relaxed features, and inspected him closer. He had black curls and the most perfect nose-

Phillip looked up while playing, and his fingers slipped on a chord as he stared back into the face of Brandon, who was merely inches away from his face. Brandon kept staring straight into his eyes, like he didn’t mind. Phillip quickly turned back with his face heating up and tried to fix his mistake. He got on the right path again and finished the song.

“How was it?” Phillip asked quietly. Brandon moved back and rested his arm against the piano.

“Could use some work,” Brandon said playfully. “Oh, right,” Phillip said, looking down. “Just joking, I really liked it, maybe someday you could play at townhall,” Brandon reassured him, chuckling a bit and pulled him up. Phillip’s face softened and he laughed with him.

***

Today Mr. Cadell had let the students work on the project in class, since he had to go run some errands within the school. It was almost the end of the week, and some groups hadn’t even started yet. They still had another week including the weekends, but it was nice of Mr. Cadell to let them work. “I’m going to leave the room for a bit, and boys, if you don’t behave properly I’ll have to cut the project time to one day extra, not a week,” he said while putting his hat on, and left.

Phillip was sitting at a 2-chair table near the front of the room with Brandon. They had a lot of information they needed to get from the book, but once that was done it would be easy to put it on the paper. “How about this?” Phillip asked, reading out a sentence about Poe. “Sure, paraphrase it, and maybe you could even add what it says down below,” Brandon instructed.

Brandon discreetly stopped what he was doing and listened in closely, when he heard laughter explode from the other side of the room. He heard a conversation, and someone said “homo.” He put his pen down and turned around so he could see what was happening. There was a group of 4 boys, in the back that were snickering and gossiping, but also looking in the direction of him and Phillip.

Phillip noticed Brandon wasn’t working so he looked up at him. His eyebrows were scrunched like whenever he was thinking, and he looked concerned about something.

“Bran-“

“Shhh,” Brandon whispered. “What?” Phillip asked, but kept quiet. “Listen,” was all Brandon said. Phillip turned around in his seat and followed Brandon’s glare to the corner of the room, where he saw David, Brandon’s dorm-mate and a group of his friends laughing. They were looking straight at them, not even caring they were looking back.

“Brandon and Phillip were looking awfully close to each other on the piano bench, don’t you think?” Phillip heard someone sneer. Pure horror pulsed through him and he felt blood rushing to his face.

“W-wait! No that’s not…!” Phillip tried to call out to them but Brandon took him by the shoulders and faced him away from the group. “Be calm, Phillip,” Brandon looked amused. “No! we have to make them stop! N-nothing was even happening t-then…” Phillip carried on, staring limply at the table and trying to hold tears back.

Brandon laughed and then said, “Don’t worry about them, Phillip. I’ll talk to them after school.”

***

After school, Brandon searched all over for that group of boys. He swore he saw David with them, his own dorm-mate! This made Brandon hate David even more. He was walking around the school halls when he heard whispering outside the bathroom. As he turned the corner the 4 boys quieted down and stared at him in surprise. Brandon stared back, and lifted his eyebrows menacingly. One boy burst into laughter, earning a slap from one of the other boys. “Shut up Timothy!” the boy said angrily.

“I heard your interesting conversation today,” Brandon said with his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth, beginning to move towards them. “You better not do that anymore, or else,” Brandon threatened.

“Oh really? Or else what?” the tallest boy of the group asked. Brandon was still taller by some inches. Brandon’s face turned deadly calm. “Did you find us just to threaten us? What a loser,” Timothy jeered. The other boys put out insults as well, and Brandon remained silent. “What a homo,” Timothy continued. Suddenly all of their eyes were fixed to something behind Brandon, and they started laughing even more.

“Oh look! Here comes your boyfriend!” Timothy yelled. Brandon looked at him in confusion, then turned around and saw Phillip in the hall, standing with his books looking afraid and concerned. He saw him blink twice and then lower his eyes to the floor. His small face was pale but red at the same time. Brandon spun back around and slapped Timothy, which resulted in gasps and horrified looks from the others. They crowded around Timothy, asking if he was okay. David stayed back.

Brandon turned back around and looked at Phillip. Phillip was still staring at the ground.

“I’m n-not his boyfriend!” Phillip yelled. His voice was wavering and it sounded strained. He walked away without looking at the boys. As he walked away he thought of what was going to happen next. Was that enough to warn them? Phillip noticed that Brandon didn’t even care when someone made fun of him, so why was he confronting the boys?

Phillip’s mind sparked as he realized the answer. Only he was affected when they bullied them. Was Brandon standing up for him? A million thoughts rushed to Phillip’s head but he pushed them all away. He felt happy, and didn’t want to deal with anything right now.

Phillip went into his dorm, and smiled to himself. ***

Tick, tock. Brandon blinked at the clock in his dorm and sighed. 6:30 PM. He figured he should leave Phillip alone for a little while, until he could find David, so he was spending time reading a book. He had an idea, something that would benefit both Phillip, and him. He still had to think on it a little more before he could put his plan to action.

Brandon snapped his head towards the door when it opened unexpectedly. David came in the room, and when he saw Brandon his face turned to absolute guilt.

“What was that all about earlier?” Brandon asked, feeling the anger return to him. “Listen, I’m so sorry. You know how the guys are,” David uncertainly muttered.

“Whatever,” Brandon scoffed.

“…” David felt awkward in his shoes and shuffled, not knowing what to say.

“David, I have a preposition for you,” Brandon began. “What is it?” David asked. “How about we do a roommate swap with Phillip and Kenneth? Since Kenneth is out of town you’ll have this room to yourself for a few days. It will be great,” Brandon said.

“Uh, okay sure but will Mr. Cadell be okay with it?” David asked. Rupert Cadell was the dorm monitor. David was okay with the idea, and sort of thankful that he didn’t have to share a room with the person he just bullied. Plus, Kenneth was his best friend, so he was more than glad.

“R-Rupert doesn’t have to know… matter of fact he shouldn’t k-know and he won’t find o-out,” Brandon excitedly murmured. His plan was working out well. “Okay so when do you leave?” David asked. Brandon put his book down and started gathering his things. “Right after I’m done packing,” Brandon said.

It took him an hour to pack. All of his belongings were stuffed into 1 luggage and his backpack. He looked at the clock which said 7:23 PM and started to leave.

“Hey Brandon, I’m sorry about today again,” David gave an apologetic half-smile half-grimace and opened the door for him.

“Yeah,” was all Brandon said and he left. He moved one door to the right and knocked on it. While he was waiting he tucked some of his clothes back into the bag that was spilling out. Phillip opened the door and moved back when he saw Brandon. He eyed the bags of clothes and things wearily.

“Hello, roomie,” Brandon hummed. He looked Phillip up and down, who was in his white and blue striped pajamas. “W-wait, what? What do you mean… Rupert will not approve a room switch-,” Phillip said nervously. “He won’t find out,” Brandon assured him, “which makes it even more exciting that he doesn’t know.”

“Well alright hurry and come in,” Phillip said, helping him with his bags. Brandon came in and starting moving Kenneth’s stuff around, and putting them into a bag Phillip said was his. Phillip sat on his bed and watched Brandon wipe everything of Kenneth’s the small desks and shelves. “What is Kenneth going to think of this,” Phillip murmured. “Who knows, who cares, I’ll have all his stuff packed by the time he gets back,” Brandon muttered in concentration.

Phillip started to prepare for bed and he snuggled into his warm bed, letting Brandon continue clearing things out. Phillip watched him intently behind his back. He was brave, to be doing this, Phillip thought to himself. He got the feeling that he was very dangerous, but he admired that. Soon Phillip closed his eyes and drifted into sleep.

***

Phillip felt like he was only asleep for 2 minutes until he felt someone shaking him awake. “…What is it?” Phillip said sleepily, looking to his right. Brandon was there sitting on the edge of the bed still holding his arm, looking mysterious. Phillip glanced around then asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Get up, we’re sneaking out,” was all Brandon replied.

“What time is it?” Phillip rubbed his eyes and stretched. Brandon looked up at the clock that said 11:00 PM, which was past their bed time. The students weren’t allowed to be out of their dorms past 9:00 PM, unless they were going to the nurse for an emergency or alerting someone about an emergency.

“Follow me,” Brandon tugged at Phillip’s sleeve gently then got up and waited by the door. Phillip looked utterly confused, but he got up anyways and put on a light jacket over his pajamas. Why do I listen to this guy? Phillip thought to himself. He’s going to get me into some serious trouble someday. Still… there’s something intriguing about him.

Brandon was still wearing his school uniform but his tie was messily knotted and his hair wasn’t in its usual perfect shape. He cracked the door open a little and looked both ways down the extremely dark hallways. Phillip peeked over his shoulder, but had to stand on his tip-toes to see down the rest of the halls. Brandon was smirking like always when he is excited.

He started to walk out the door quietly and then turned around and looked at the small boy. Little Phillip was hesitating by the door, still holding the doorknob. He had many doubts, but after Brandon gave him a reassuring nod, he gained a little confidence and followed him out.

Sneaky Brandon looked around for teachers once again before walking in the direction of the exit doors. Phillip trailed behind him as moving closely as he could to Brandon. Brandon then looked outside the window of the door and exited with no sound. Once they were outside, Brandon began to move faster and Phillip had to scurry to catch up with him.

He didn’t slow down, so Phillip whisper-yelled “Where are we going?!” Brandon flicked his head back still running but he managed to smirk and whisper back “You’ll see.” Phillip saw a building in the distance, but he couldn’t figure out what it was it was so dark. They were still on the school property though. The school had a fairly large area of property so he wouldn’t be surprised if it was some building he didn’t know about.

Brandon was running towards it so Phillip guessed they were going inside. “What is this? I didn’t even know this was here on the school grounds,” Phillip asked as they slowed in front of it. “I found this early in the year, and ever since I come here to read when David annoys me, and because the lobby is too loud,” Brandon explained, opening the big door. It looked like a sort of barn, but no animals or anything were in it so nobody must be using it.

Brandon walked inside and motioned for little Phillip to come in. Once they were inside Brandon shut the door and started climbing up to the second floor, which only had a floor to walk on around the edges of the barn, but had a space in the middle so that it was visible from the dirt ground below. The ladders looked as if they were about to break, they were so old. Phillip wrapped his hand around the bar and looked up at Brandon who was already on the next floor. “Come on, it’s fine,” Brandon whispered. Phillip climbed up cautiously and followed Brandon as he opened up a hatch in the ceiling, and began to climb another ladder.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Phillip asked. “Sure I do it all the time,” Brandon replied confidently. Once Brandon was up Phillip stood on the first ladder wrung and held onto the bars. He looked down to the bottom floor and almost lost his balance because of how far it was. He felt something vile crawl up his throat and he quickly ripped his gaze away from the dizzying heights, and looked up at Brandon, who was prodding his hand with a stick.

“Come on, don’t be scared. Get a little closer to me,” he said reaching forward. Phillip obeyed and crawled up a few steps until he was almost at the end. Brandon grabbed his hand and pulled him up. Phillip’s hand tingled as Brandon let go of it, and he looked back up at him.

The hatch opened up to the roof, which Brandon and Phillip were sitting on now. Brandon helped Phillip scoot closer to the edge but not so much as where they would fall off. Phillip looked out and he could see the school campus in the distance. The barn was so high that they could see millions of stars in the black night, and Phillip stared up at them in awe.

It was so quiet and peaceful that you could hear the two boy’s breathing patterns. Phillip let himself calm down and matched the breathing pace of Brandon, who was looking at the stars and letting the cool breeze ruffle his hair. Phillip sat with his legs crossed and his arms wrapped underneath his legs. Brandon leaned back with his knees pointed to the sky and his hands behind his head. Phillip looked back at him, then asked, “What are we doing up here anyway?”

Brandon took more time that usual to answer. Phillip couldn’t see his facial expressions that clearly in the dark. “I don’t know, I guess because you just aren’t as annoying as everyone else at this school, and so I wanted to share a cool quiet place with you,” Brandon finally said. His voice was softer than usual, and Phillip frowned a bit at the “aren’t as annoying” part, but smiled a bit anyways. Brandon really could be nice when he wanted.

“Thanks,” Phillip replied. He leaned back parallel to Brandon with his legs straight out. He kept looking at the shimmering stars. If Phillip was a bad poet, he would have said that the stars were singing and dancing softly in this nightly experience. But, stars don’t dance or sing.

It’s the people that are with you under the stars that make it memorable, thought Phillip. Oh stop, he scolded himself. Nonetheless, he smiled wider.

As he was thinking, he noticed something in the sky, and traced the stars with his finger. “Hey look, Isn’t that the cancer constellation?” Phillip pointed at the illuminated sky. “I’ve never seen that in my life! I think it’s really rare to see,” Phillip exclaimed. “How do you know that?” Brandon asked, turning his head to look at Phillip. “I’m a cancer,” Phillip replied. “You’re into that zodiac stuff?” Brandon asked. “Yeah I guess, I think it’s cool,” Phillip sighed in amazement at the constellation. It beamed down on him, and he felt lighter than the air.

“Maybe it’s a sign,” Brandon suggested.

Phillip didn’t answer. Instead he turned his head towards Brandon, and their faces were now only half a foot away.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” Brandon unexpectedly asked. “W-…” Phillip felt heat return to his face again. Strange, he thought. He was shocked, but he answered honestly. “No, it’s not exactly easy to find one when you go to an all boy’s school.” “Ah, I see,” Brandon said.

“What about you? Fancy anyone lately?” Phillip asked. Brandon shuffled and spoke while looking up at the stars. “Well… there is the one person I’ve been getting to know more recently,” he whispered, as if the night was listening to him. “But, it’s kind of a forbidden love situation, and it might be one sided,” he explained.

“Wow, I’ve never seen this sentimental side of you before,” Phillip commented. “Oh, I’m not s-sentimental,” Brandon replied, clearing his throat. “Whatever you say.” Phillip said.

***

More time had passed, and Phillip started to yawn. Brandon decided they should go back now. Once they were in the halls again, Phillip flinched a bit as he heard footsteps and involuntarily reached for Brandon’s sleeve. Brandon stopped walking and listened. Rupert came around the corner, and looked surprised as he looked at the young boys.

“What are you boys doing up this late?” He asked, looking at them like they were suspicious.

“Uh- w-we were j-just going to the b-bathroom,” Brandon half smiled. “Both of you?” Rupert asked. Brandon and Phillip shared a quick glance at each other at the same time and looked back at Rupert.

“Yes,” Brandon said. “Okay go to sleep boys, or you’ll be tired in the morning. There will be no excuse once you fall asleep in my class tomorrow,” Rupert said and continued walking. Phillip and Brandon waited until they were sure he left, then went into the dorm so Rupert wouldn’t seem them go into the same room.

Normally Phillip would be neat and organized but once he got in the room he dropped his jacket to the floor and flopped straight into his bed. The clock read 1:47 AM. He really didn’t want to fall asleep in class tomorrow, and he wanted good grades, so he closed his eyes and tried to sleep right away.

Brandon, however started to fiddle with his books for a second and then pulled one out. As he walked towards his bed he looked over at Phillip, who looked tired. Brandon hesitated for a minute, but after a while he went over to Phillip’s bed and looked down at the boy. His face looked so precious. Brandon admired the way Phillips black curls rested against his forehead in the most perfect manner.

Phillip was just about to drift to sleep when he felt soft, full lips press against his own. He turned cold and his heart started to beat erratically, and his eyes twitched once but other than that he remained utterly still. It only lasted for about 2 seconds, till Brandon turned away and laid on his own bed.

Phillip opened one eye once he knew he was gone, and he saw Brandon laying on his bed reading a book. He might have been mistaken because it was still dark in the room, but Phillip thought he saw a genuine little smile on Brandon’s face.

Phillip closed his eyes and turned around in his bed, so that his face was pressed against the mattress. He pulled the covers over his head and began to smile uncontrollably. This night was very eventful, thought Phillip. As he recalled all the events from this night, one nagging thought popped up in his head. What would other people think if they found out about this?

***

Ring ring ring. Phillip woke to his alarm going off. He shut it off and looked at the time. 6:00 AM. He felt more tired than usual, and instantly his thought snapped back to last night. Was last night a dream, or did it really happen? Phillip came to the conclusion that last night really did happen, because he doesn’t usually have vivid dreams. Phillip looked over to Brandon and saw him already awake.

“Did you sleep at all?” Phillip asked, breaking the silence. Brandon looked at him.

“Oh, good morning Phillip. No, not at all,” Brandon answered. “That’s got to be unhealthy, how will you focus during the day?” Phillip asked, concerned. “I don’t know, sleeping just doesn’t affect me,” Brandon said shrugging. “I was just about to go down to the locker rooms, would you like to accompany me?” Brandon asked. The locker rooms were where the showers and bathrooms were, since each room didn’t have their own individual bathroom. A lot of the kids were there in the morning each day.

“Sure, let me get my toothbrush and clothes,” Phillip replied. They gather their stuff and head out of the room. Neither of them bring up what happened last night.

They walked side by side down the hall, and entered the locker rooms. The locker rooms were big and had a lot of space for all the boys in the school. As they got further in the locker rooms, Brandon heard snickers behind them and someone talking very loudly. Probably David and his idiotic friends trying to impress people, thought Brandon.

Brandon looked behind them and sure enough, it was the same group of idiots. One of them even had the audacity to yell out, “Awww… Look, they even walk to the showers together!”

Phillip stopped moving and looked up at Brandon with wide eyes, and then at the group behind them. He felt all of his insecurities rush to him, and now he was holding back tears as well. Now that last night had happened, he really did feel ashamed that he had to hide something.

Brandon turned all the way around. He looked as if nothing had even happened. Phillip looked at him through watering envious eyes that he could endure the insults and not be affected.

“Could you please leave us alone, don’t you boys have something better to do?” Brandon scoffed. “Like, perhaps, getting your grades up? I saw your report card in the stack Timothy, your parents aren’t going to keep sending you their hard earned money if you keep cranking out those F’s,” Brandon suggested, his eyebrows high and arched.

Phillip watched Brandon and his comeback, but then started running ahead to the bathrooms. He finally found an empty stall in the busy room, and locked himself in it. Phillip sat down and started to cry softly. He blocked out the sounds of boys chatting and laughing echoing in the room and let himself cry as quiet as possible for a few more minutes, but after that he wiped his tears and found an open shower stall.

He started to undress and set up his things in the shower shelves. During the shower he started to tear up a little bit while thinking about the things that just happened. He didn’t want to start out his high school experience being the “weird homo” that the cool kids made fun of.

At least I have a strong person like Brandon that will stand up for me sometimes, Phillip told himself He literally has no fear, he thought. He began to wash his black locks of hair, and he looked over a bit of the shower stall door. Brandon was coming into this part of the locker rooms and then another person came after him, which was the person harassing Phillip and Brandon.

Upon closer inspection the kid had a black eye, and the other boys in the room started to surround him and ask if he was alright. Brandon looked perfectly normal, and continued to go about his morning business. He wasn’t smiling, and wasn’t frowning either.

Did he really punch this kid? Wouldn’t he get in trouble? Phillip thought. The rest of the time he spent in the locker room, he didn’t talk to Brandon.

Since it was still early in the morning, Phillip decided he would go to the lobby and read his assignment book for one of his classes, to make up for lost time he spent staying up last night. It was still worth it though, concluded Phillip.

Phillip looked up as he got to a chapter stopping point and saw Brandon walk in and greet a few kids, with his usual smirk on his face. Immediately Brandon finds Phillip and zeros in on him. He started walking towards Phillip. Phillip’s heart skipped a beat- for more than one reason. He was scared to face his fears which was coming to terms with what happened last night, and also physical conflicts he was pretty sure Brandon just got involved in.

“What book is that?” Brandon smiled as he got near.

“Oh, just a math textbook. I’m trying to get ready for a test I have in 15 minutes,” Phillip explained. “Oh, am I interrupting you?” Brandon asked. “No, not at all,” Phillip said. He was interrupting him, but he would much rather talk with Brandon than study boring mathematics. Brandon sat down across him.

“I punched Timothy,” Brandon confessed out of nowhere. Phillip looked at him in surprise. That’s what he suspected, but he couldn’t help but feel scared also, that he would somehow get in trouble.

“Did you get detention?” Phillip asked. “I don’t know yet. I have to go to the office in 5 minutes to find out my punishment,” Brandon said. Phillip looked down. “Oh, I hope it’s nothing serious or anything, that will cut i-into our project time, I mean,” Phillip said. Brandon stood up. “Don’t worry, chum,” Brandon smiled, and ruffled Phillip’s perfectly done hair.

“Wh-“ Phillip dropped his book and his bookmark flew out of it as he lifted both his hands to fix his hair. When he looked back up Brandon was already gone. What am I getting myself into? Phillip thought to himself.

In 5th period that day, Brandon had passed Phillip a note that said, “I only got a warning and I have to help the janitor clean up the school tonight.” Phillip wrote back, “Could have been worse, I’m glad.”

***

At 5:30 PM, Phillip figured that since he can’t work on the project today, he would practice piano instead. Ever since that time Brandon asked him to play the piano in the lobby room, he felt more confident in practicing there. Now it was almost 7:00 PM. But while practicing, he kept thinking of how neither of them acknowledged what had happened that one night. Phillip decided to play a song the reminded him of Brandon, the same song he played the first time he played in front of him.

While playing, he would get really emotional. Not where he would cry, because he was good at holding his emotions in when playing piano. Other times, he was not. The lobby was pretty quiet since it was sort of late. Only a few students were here and there, which added to his confidence in playing.

Once he finished the song, he closed his eyes and let the last notes ring out. When he opened them he saw Brandon, leaning against the shiny black grand piano. Phillip’s eyes widened and he jumped in his seat. When did he get here?

“You really like that song, don’t you?” Brandon chuckled.

“It’s fun to play,” Phillip explained. Brandon leaned his elbow on the piano and rested his cheek in his hand. Phillip glanced around nervously at the few students, and not many of them were near.

“I finished my cleaning duties, and I also left a surprise in Timothy and his friend’s seats in their first periods,” Brandon smirked. “What do you mean?” Phillip asked. “I found some pudding from the cafeteria when the janitor wasn’t looking and I slipped it into their seats,” Brandon snickered.

“Aren’t they going to know it was you? You’re going to get in more trouble!” Phillip warned him. “Worth it,” Brandon shrugged. Brandon got up and went to sit on the couch near the piano. Phillip slowly but casually turns around to face Brandon.

Phillip was nervous to bring it up, since Brandon was usually straight forward and he hasn’t said anything. Though, he realized he needs to ask, to get the answers he wanted.

“So, last night, w-what was… I m-mean, why…?” Phillip cursed himself for stammering, but he had to get the question out. Brandon’s eyes shifted to the other people in the room, then back to Phillip. There was that strange glint in his eyes again.

“Well, remember on the roof, the person I was describing? I was describing you,” Brandon said bluntly, but smirked. Phillip felt the familiar warmness spread to his cheeks again, and he looked down at his lap, and fidgeted. He hoped nobody was looking at him now, because he probably looked as red as a tomato. He was fighting back a big smile and instead said, “Oh, were you?”

“Yes of course,” Brandon began. “Oh, and by the way I have an idea on what to write on our project,” he finished. Phillip was confused by the sudden change of subject. Did he not take it as seriously as Phillip did? That was Phillip’s first kiss, and he couldn’t deny it. Phillip guessed that it wasn’t Brandon’s first kiss, by the way he was acting. For some reason, he felt a little discouraged after that thought, but he didn’t let it get to him.

“Well, I have things to do and you have practice to do, I heard you stumble on that same measure as before. See you tonight,” Brandon said while getting up. Once he left the room, Phillp stared at the empty couch where Brandon was sitting. He broke into a big smile from ear to ear.

***

Later that night, Phillip and Brandon were both in their pajamas, getting ready for bed. Phillip looked like Brandon actually was going to sleep at least a little bit tonight. Phillip was curled into his bed, looking at Brandon who was in his own bed, reading more philosophy books propped up against a pillow.

Brandon saw Phillip looking at him and he motioned for Phillip to come to him. Phillip could feel his heart begin to beat faster. He was afraid of confrontation of events, but Brandon was not. Phillip got up anyways and slipped into Brandon’s bed. He felt as if he had just broken a rule. Frightening but exhilarating all the same.

The beds were pretty small, but two people could still fit on them. Phillip laid his head against the sheet on the outer edge of the bed and snuggled under the blankets. He stared at the ceiling. He didn’t mind sleeping without a pillow. Brandon set his book down and looked at Phillip’s little innocent face. Phillip looked back. He started to feel a little uncomfortable because of Brandon’s silence.

Brandon wasn’t one to talk a lot, but he wasn’t usually silent for a long time. “David and his so called ‘friends’ are a real pain, huh,” Brandon finally smiled down at Phillip. “You could say that again,” Phillip said sadly. He saw Brandon’s facial features soften.

Brandon’s hand reached across and he pulled gently at one of Phillip’s soft locks of black hair, and began running his fingers through it. Phillip’s heart fluttered and he pulled the blankets up to his chin and squeezed it. He was startled by this sudden gentle nature of Brandon’s, but he let it happen because it was rare to see such a side of him. Phillip peeked up at Brandon through his eyelashes but didn’t say anything. The tall boy continued to read his book in one hand and play with Phillips hair in the other. As quietly as he could, Phillip turned onto his side so he was facing Brandon.

After a while, Phillip’s breathing began to settle, and Brandon put his book on the night stand. He slumped down in the bed and adjusted the pillow till he was comfortable, and turned towards Phillip’s sleeping face. He examined his delicate features, and let himself fall asleep.

Once in the night, Phillip woke up for no particular reason. He opened his eyes and looks around in confusion when he realized he was not in his own bed. He turned to his right, and 3 inches away from his face was Brandon. He was lying on his back. What an odd way to sleep, thought Phillip.

Phillip was feeling too hot so he got out of the bed and changed his pajamas to a white t-shirt and shorts. He contemplated on getting into his bed instead of Brandon’s… but he didn’t and crawled back into Brandon’s bed. He situated himself to where he was lying on his right side pressed up against Brandon, with his left arm resting on the tall boy’s chest, balled into a fist. He felt warm and tingly inside, and safe. The school bullies couldn’t see through the wall with x-ray to make fun of what was happening.

Phillip smiled into Brandon’s shoulder and let his thoughts focus on the current precious moment. He wasn’t sure if Brandon would ever allow this to happen when he was awake, but you could never tell with the strange boy. Phillip let himself melt into a darkness, and fell asleep.

***

The next morning, the alarm clock went off at 6:00 AM and woke both of the boys up. Phillip kept his eyes close and let his mind drift in and out of the sleeping state, but Brandon looked down at Phillip, who was clinging to him. He stared at the precious boy with his mouth slightly agape, and his face felt warmer than usual. He shook the feeling away and ran his fingers through Phillip’s hair to wake him up.

Phillip opened his eyes slowly, and when he realized he state he was in, he turned red and quickly pulled away and sat up. Brandon chuckled. He sat up as well and rested his face on his hands. In one side of his mind, Phillip just wanted to stay in their dorm and sleep for the day, but the other half knew he needed to get ready soon.

“I want to wait until there isn’t that many people in the locker rooms,” Phillip said quietly, remembering what happened last time. “Okay, don’t be such a wimp thought. I’ll go down there, you stay here for now. Also do you want a soda from the machine? It’s on me,” Brandon replied, getting up and stretching. He gathered some stuff to take down to the locker rooms with him.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks,” Phillip said absent mindedly.

Phillip was still sitting on the bed half covered with the blanket. Brandon looked at him for a moment, and then headed towards him. He leaned over and promptly kissed Phillip on the forehead, and then left without another word.

Phillip sat and blinked in the absolute silence. His heart was still beating faster than the second-counting hand on the clock. Does this mean… we are official? Phillip asked himself.

Brandon made his way down to the locker rooms to do his usual morning routine, but he left a littler earlier today so he could prepare for Phillip after his late shower. He swung his towel in his hands while walking down the halls. Once he entered the locker rooms, he heard the usual group of idiots sneering as he walked by.

“No boyfriend today?” Timothy asked sarcastically. Brandon laughed under his breath and shook his head, continuing with his routine. He saw David, but Brandon could tell that he didn’t really condone what his friends were doing, but he cared too much for his social status to defend Brandon.

Phillip started to gather his things to prepare for his late shower, and lifted his head when he heard the door open.

“Back so soon, Br- “Phillip started to say, but it wasn’t Brandon who entered. It was Kenneth, who had been away on a trip. Kenneth’s face instantly turned to confusion when he looked around the room.

“Where’s my stuff?” He asked, looking at Phillip.

“Oh, hi Kenneth, welcome back. Uhh… There have been some changes with dorms…” Phillip explained. “You are now David’s dorm-mate, he’s right to the left of this dorm.”

Kenneth looked at his bag on the floor of the things he left here while out of town. He looked shocked to see it. “Why is my stuff already packed?” He asked. “I guess Brandon was so eager to get you out he took the liberty of doing it himself,” Phillip answered. “What’s that supposed to mean,” Kenneth laughed as he picked the bag up.

Phillip shrugged. “Anyways welcome back.”

“Thanks,” Kenneth said, then left.

Almost immediately after Kenneth left, Brandon returned with wet hair and 2 sodas. “Was that Kenneth?” He asked. “Yeah, he got his stuff and left,” Phillip replied. Brandon handed Phillip a soda and plopped down onto his bed by Phillip, trying to relax a little bit before he had to prepare for class.

“Alright I guess it’s time for me to go freshen up now,” Phillip said. Phillip got up and sat on his own bed while he gathered his things from the shelf. “Have fun,” Brandon answered.

Phillip looked down before he got up. “Brandon?” He asked meekly.

“Yes?” Brandon looked up.

“What… are we?” Phillip asked. This was such a bold question for mere Phillip, Brandon hesitated before he answered. “We’re whatever you want us to be,” He answered. Phillip didn’t say anything. “What do you want, Phillip?” Brandon asked. Phillip looked down nervously. He felt like he was being pressured into sharing his deep feelings, which was something he wasn’t good at.

“I guess what we have going now is good, I just never thought of myself this way,” He responded. Brandon laughed a little and took a sip from his soda. “Good,” He said. “Alright then,” Phillip smiled and then left to take a shower.

After Phillip had gotten ready, the two decided to go to breakfast. The school served breakfast in the mornings, lunch at 11:00 AM and dinner all afternoon until 8:00 PM, but you still had to pay for separate meals. The café was in a separate building, but the locker rooms were closer to it than the dorm, so it would be a hassle for Phillip to go all the way to the dorm just to put his things back. Brandon met him at the locker rooms and gave him a bag to carry it in instead.

As they entered the café, they saw the same old bullies in the corner, staring at them once they were in view. Please don’t say anything, Phillip pleaded in his mind. It would all be a wreck if they started to bully him again. But, just as Phillip was going to assume they were in the clear, they started acting up.

“You guys make it sooo obvious, why not just hold hands?!” Timothy was really testing his limits today. The boys laughed mockingly. David, in the back of the group looked at the back of Brandon’s head uncertainly. He saw Phillip stop walking, and then Brandon put his hand on Phillip’s shoulder and leaned over to look at his face.

Brandon saw Phillip’s small face shaking and his face and eyes were red. He looked back at the group and rolled his eyes.

“Oh, thanks. I’m impressed, I guess you really do have some great ideas,” Brandon said icily cold. The group stared as Brandon moved closer to Phillip.

Phillip looked up sharply as he felt Brandon’s hand slip into his. He didn’t even have time to react, or wrap his fingers around his as Brandon held on tightly and pulled him over to the breakfast line. Phillip’s shocked face searched Brandon’s calm one for any explanation. Phillip refrained from getting closer to Brandon, but he didn’t do anything about Brandon’s hand in his.

Timothy’s group stared at them in shock, even David looked like he didn’t know what to do. Timothy didn’t know whether to laugh, or not. They moved away as Brandon and Phillip got their food and found seats away from them. Phillip sat down next to Kenneth with Brandon sat across from Phillip.

“Don’t worry about them, I could crush all of them without even trying,” Brandon whispered quietly to Phillip.

“Are you sure, it seemed like they were mad because of the pudding trick, also how did that go?” Phillip asked. Brandon started to laugh as he recalled the event. “It went great, and nobody suspected me,” he said. “They had to go to their dorms and change, it was great,” he snickered. Phillip gave a weak smile in return.

“That’s not the reason they targeted us today thought. That’s just how they are, don’t even bother to acknowledge them,” He assured Phillip. Then he looked into Phillip’s eyes. “We are superior to them,” he said.


End file.
